Penciled-in

I'm like Alice in Wonderland: "I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it." I easily get caught in the quarter life crisis trap, where as a 20-something post-grad I'm a little miffed about my future, my purpose and the meaning of life.  Just a tad of existential thinking.  And like many others, I sometimes find myself at a standstill.  I stand on the street trying to decipher a map in a different language, and everyone else whizzes by in a blur, seeming to know where to go and what to say.   And you know in your heart that they don't know anymore French than you do, but they've learned how to live without a script, take chances and trust they've made the right decision.  It can be frustrating to be in this place where you don't feel like you're moving forward. Where the images in front of you are unrecognizable, indecipherable and confusing - where you've fallen into a moment where you're not sure how much more you can continue to have blind faith.  I know our lives are written in pencil but we get fed up, wishing it was sharpie, so we wouldn't have to work so hard to fill in the blanks.  But it's time to change and accept change. It's time to live before I die.

Wouldn't sharpie outlines constrict our freedom? Wouldn't they limit us to everything, everyone and everywhere we can learn and experience in this vast universe?

We weren't gifted with nicely wrapped packages, but we continually expect God to explicitly tell us what our gifts are and how they fit into His plan.  Instead we were gifted with free will, an abstract piece of art given to us to decipher and interpret.  It's our choice to allow him to guide us in that understanding.  All we have to do is accept this gift, decorate our souls with it, and remember that it's ultimately up to God to fill in the blanks if we are willing to trust his penmanship.  And with time, the image will fit into a mosaic of "the bigger picture." Live intently with this wisdom. Live fully with this wisdom.

Do you want to say you lived every day like it was your dying day, or like you were dead inside, waiting around for life to knock on your door and invite you into the great unknown? Without open-minded trust, it's almost impossible to stray from the latter.

Our gifts are constantly being renewed and transformed all of the time.  Take a step back and embrace life's inevitable change. I know it's hard. It hurts. But let go, and let God. Live before you die.

And most importantly, remember to remember who you are.  You know yourself better than you think you do.

"Blessed are those who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing."

x
Hillary