Monday, April 30, 2012

in the attics of my life.



In the attics of my life, full of cloudy dreams unreal.
Full of tastes no tongue can know, and lights no eyes can see.
When there was no ear to hear, you sang to me.

I have spent my life seeking all that's still unsung.
Bent my ear to hear the tune, and closed my eyes to see.
When there was no strings to play, you played to me.

In the book of love's own dream, where all the print is blood.
Where all the pages are my days, and all the lights grow old.
When I had no wings to fly, you flew to me, you flew to me.

In the secret space of dreams, where I dreaming lay amazed.
When the secrets all are told, and the petals all unfold.
When there was no dream of mine, you dreamed of me.

-Jerry Garcia and Robert Hunter, The Grateful Dead 


lead your ears listen, 
rach

Friday, April 27, 2012

deslocados.

its has been too long.
time for another post, about a country, about a culture... about Anthony Bourdain.
i would apologize for writing about him again, i really would! but i just don't care.

the long awaited new season of No Reservations to air, in hopeful anticipation i sit down on the floor of my living room with some freshly cut yellow and red peppers (where are the green? the green are my favorite!) and some jalapeno chex mix. The Layover, Bourdain's last show on the travel channel was a sellout and a flop; so i must say, i was a little nervous.

but the episode started as i started up the DVR thing on my home tv with the same warning that i have found so much solace in..

The following program contains 
content that may be inappropriate
for some viewers.
Parental discretion is advised. 

ahhh, i am home. and then Tony chimes in, "our late model van whirs down the 2 lane highway in rural Mozambique. two white guys in front, our translator Carlos in the back.."

okay everyone, everything is going to be okay, order has been restored. Uncle Tony is back.
enjoying his local beer and piri-piri chicken

500 years of truly appalling colonialism...
18 years of enthusiastic but inept communism...
16 years of brutal and senseless civil war...

just 20 years ago Mozambique was just the shell of a memory. AK47s and dead bodies slumped in the ditches as the children walked to school. It was not uncommon to see someone missing an ear or a nose, those innocent people were simply in the wrong place and the right time. no one even knew what they were fighting over.

but as relentless as the painful years of nihilistic warfare, the positivity of these people shine through and can not be extinguished. 


Anthony described it best when he identifies the people as, "Afro-Portuguese-Laitn-Pan Arab-Asian mix" the rhythm in this episode just shows the motivation and passion of these people.

the beautiful array of colors and cultures make this place so rare that it seems to be a pearl, squeezed from all the pain and travesty that is Africa.



so, don't take for granted all the blessings you have in your life. the world is not ending if they run out of tater tots in the brunch line,  claims that Obama ruined our lives should be reevaluated (has the change in government personally effected your daily life?) and the pessimism that infects campus like a plague during finals week needs to be placed in perspective.

take a message of hope and love from the people of Mozambique.

one day there will be no more wars and the children will play,
rach.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

The Tell-Tale Heart. . . continued

This one time in my American Literature Class my professor let us write a creative piece and I decided to write in Poe's style...while changing the ending of The Tell-Tale Heart, one of my favorite Poe stories. Let's just say I kinda have a slight obsession with Poe. Maybe more than slight. To the point where I own a candle that's suppose to smell like Poe's library, and I want the Poe scented perfume for my birthday. Don't care. I love my major. I hope you enjoy.  This is the only paper I've done well on all semester...makin' Poe proud in 2012.

I shrunk back into the shadows, concealing my face from the officers.  They stared at me with suspicious eyes-blue like the old man's.  But they didn't say anything! Oh no, they just stared with those eyes. Identical eyes of the dead old man himself! They tapped their feet in rhythm with the beating of the old man's heart. Ha! "Why are you standing there?" I shouted, "Make it go away! For God's sake, make it stop!" I collapsed in the dank corner of the room, clawing at my hair.  Sweat dripped down my forehead and I could taste the salt in my own tears.  

I told them about my deed and they did nothing but stand there. And they laughed! They continued to mock me! How could they stand there when I just confessed? How could they stare at me and not answer my pleas? Why didn't they believe me? "But I killed him. Don't you see? He's dead! I couldn't stand his eye. That damned Evil Eye!" But they continued to stare, to stare.  The tallest officer tilted his head back with a cackle, his mouth turning into a cavernous source of sound.  But still the beating persisted, louder, louder

I slowly climbed up the wall to a standing position and grabbed the lantern, but when I thrust it in their direction, their eyes disappeared! There was nobody there! But the mockery echoed behind me and I spun around to find one.  His face was turning purple. Oh God! Purple! And those eyes! "Stop! Stop! Believe me, he's dead, take him away from here!" The lantern cast a dark shadow over the officer's face. But it wasn't the officer before me. It was the old man! With his Evil Eye! He was laughing, hackling, making nonhuman sounds.  His bloody hand reached for me. Dark, rose-red blood poured from his arm onto the wooden floor.  "No!" I shrieked, stumbling backwards. 

"Sir, are you okay?" I looked over my shoulder to find both officers staring at me with their blue eyes. Staring again.  "What? But---I---didn't you see him? He was just behind me! Couldn't you hear his heart? It's so damn loud! Oh God! The old man, he was right there. Please, tear up the planks! I beg of you!" The officers glanced at each other, and in the silence I could hear the muffled beating grow louder! louder!-as the officers padded toward the spot I pointed toward on the wooden floor.  They kneeled down in unison, moving slowly, steadily, stealthily toward the old man's grave.  The shorter officer grabbed a crow bar from his belt.  He looked up at me with his blue, judging eyes. He thought I was mad! They both thought I was mad! But they knew-they saw him! They saw his ghost, the bloody corpse come back to haunt me.

I could feel myself profusely sweating as my body climaxed with anticipation and impatience.  Why couldn't they do it faster? I just need the beating to stop! The beating persisted, in perfect sync with my own heart.  The officers were taking their sweet old time.  So much time! Couldn't they see I would go mad if they didn't get the old man out of the house? Inch by inch the wooden plank began to rise from the floor.  Creak! Creak! Creak! The officer moved in a steady rhythm, steady like the beating of the heart.  He continued until the plank was almost removed. Slowly, cautiously. Creaking and bending and prying.  His hands turning a deep red as he applied more and more pressure. Dear God, hurry! I ran my fingers through my sweat-soaked strands of hair.  I couldn't wait any longer.  I was about to grab the crowbar from the man and do it myself when suddenly the plank popped out of its resting place.

He easily removed the parallel plank from the floor to reveal my devilish deed. Empty! EMPTY! How could this be? I killed the old man with my own two hands! I saw his body grow limp! I saw the sparkle dissipate from his one good eye.  I felt his last breath, warm on my hand. I was covered in his blood. The room still smelled like acid for God's sake! Where was he? Where could the God damn Evil Eye be hiding? I scratched the inside of the now-empty tomb, trying to find an explanation.  My stomach churned.  My heart beat uncontrollably. My hands shook with fright.  The officers started laughing again.  The mocking continued! The beating continued! Oh God! I could still hear the heartbeat! 

The room began to spin before me.  The laughter and persistent beating of the heart rang in my ears.  I felt trapped and misunderstood in the tiny, claustrophobic room.    They had played a trick on me! They knew I had killed him and they had moved the body! Mad! They are the ones making me mad! Ha Ha!  'Where is it?! What did you do with him? I can still hear his heart! I know he's still in the house!" I lunged toward the officers, demanding answers.  Demanding an explanation.  Demanding reassurance that the Evil Eye was gone forever.  

"Sir, there is nobody here.  It appears you haven't done anything wrong.  Why don't you get some rest?" The taller officer ordered, his blue eyes growing soft in the lantern light. But I couldn't believe him.  Oh no, I couldn't.  I knew the old man was still in the house.  I knew he was dead.  Nobody can fool me.  I turned to my right and reached for the brass knob on the creaky, wooden door.  But it was locked.  Something wasn't right.  Why would the door be locked? I began to panic. I rattled the knob consistently, shouting for help.  I could hear the laughter behind me.  So loud, so harsh, so mocking.
I turned around once more to discover the officers gone, but found the old man with his Evil Eye.  He was standing in his grave.  Standing in his own God damned grave, making a mess with his blood. "Nooo!" I screeched.  I couldn't take the games anymore.  I couldn't handle the mockery. I crawled back into room's dark corner and sobbed as the beating continued.

The clock in the kitchen began to toll. It was dawn. The sun was coming up.  I peered through my fingers to find the room empty.  It was just me.  No officers. No old man.  No staring eyes.  The beating was slowing.  It became duller and duller as the sun became brighter and brighter.  The bright orange-yellow rays of the morning sun bounced its light on the opening in the floor.  I inched toward the hole. Terrified.  But there it was.  The old man.  Dead.  He was just how I left him.  Good and dead.  But the eye still stared.  I reached into the grave and shut the eye. I shut it for good.  The silence was deafening.  The beating had stopped.  I was alone in the small room. I had always been alone.  Alone with my haunting imagination.



sweet dreams,
hill

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

apathy giving way to change.


Today is a day for change. Everyday should be a day for change. And you know what...? The following blog post is NOT written by one of the indieatticgirls. Friends, Readers, Enemies, fellow indiefriend, Tyler C. has contributed to the blog. I hope you enjoy his post, I sure know I did (seeing as if I didn't it wouldn't be here).

make friends,
rach



        Apathy and numbness in and of themselves do not cause a person to lose the game of life: for even the most successful of humans has at least one thing towards which they are apathetic. No, it is the moment when one stops fighting against this apathy, this numbness, whether due to a loss of strength or because it is simply too painful to not embrace them, that one begins to lose the game.
You see, Apathy is not always negative. When confined to a set area, it is harmless. People are naturally apathetic to certain things. For instance, a successful CEO may be apathetic towards art. He/she does not have to be, but it is a distinct possibility. However, so often apathy is indeed a terrible thing. When one applies apathy to an area of their life in which it does not belong, they are playing a dangerous game. It is in this situation that they begin to fight against the apathy, the numbness. To get personal, I’ve been struggling with this recently. There’s this girl, and she is… well, she’s amazing. We’ve been talking for months, and I let myself fall too far and too fast. We’re best friends, and we’ll be best friends for a long time, but we almost stopped being anything, and it was because I played the apathy game.
When I finally let the lack of mutual feelings set in, I tried to numb the pain, to be apathetic towards her. I thought that I could control it, let it set in for a little, get over her, and move on. Instead, I stopped caring about anything. Apathy, when applied to the wrong area, and used for the wrong reasons, is a cancer. It spreads indiscriminately, and it is unstoppable. For me, it took a massive swallowing of my own pride, and a decision to just take the pain, to kill it. Believe it or not, it is so much better to just face the pain than to try to numb it. Sure, it may suck for a little while, but the fallout of trying to numb it, trying to be apathetic towards it takes so much longer to recover from. Don’t try to force apathy simply because something sucks to think about.
Apathy is normal. It’s a part of everyday life. But we can’t let it control us. We can’t use it as a way out of something. Don’t use it as a crutch, for it will cripple you worse than you can imagine. Do a favor to yourself: let the things that you’re normally apathetic about remain that way, and don’t try to become apathetic towards other things. When you try to become apathetic, you’ll wear yourself out quickly, and then you’ll start to lose the game or life.

tyler.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Instagram Is My Bestie

Here are some of my favorite pictures taken with instagram-it's crazy that an iphone can create sure beautiful images. i'm terrified that facebook now owns instagram though....eff...













love,
hill

we are citizens of the world

English as a second language or English language learners are sprinkled through most classrooms these days. While I was brushing my teeth and thinking about Spanish syntactical phrases, yes, this happens more than I want to admit, and I realized that I cannot teach grammar for the rest of my life. wow. If I could teach art and culture then I would be fine, but there are too many standards for grammar. I blame all of these thoughts and feelings on the new kids I am tutoring. For the sake of privacy, I will only use letters to represent the kids. But I feel like sharing their stories with you.

M & K- from Bangkok,Thailand. entrance level 3 eighth and ninth grade.
D- born in Mexico, lived in California. entrance level 3 (thought it would be 4) reform school.
T- from Banusha, Ethiopia. entrance level 1 in third grade.

Today, M was working on vocabulary lists and I was astonished that the teacher game M definitions with harder words than the actual definition. I mean, who uses Totalitarianism regime in an eighth grade definition for the term suppress? M has a very strong background in schooling, as well as her brother K but I don't get to work with him as much. Their English was lacking when they arrived but they were considered top students when they were living in Thailand. M is reading an Agatha Christie novel and spends hours every night looking up words and highlight and defining; M is a model student and what ESL teachers refer to as the 'dream student.'

D should not be in the ESL program.  The teacher I work with told me she was so glad that I think that (she clearly agrees with me) and he should be in structured Reading classes, not ESL specific. One of my biggest frustrations I find is the ignorance people have for ESL students. These students do not have reading problems, they do not have hindrances for learning, their only obstacle is the linguistic barrier. ESL students are not LD, RM or any branch of Special Education students. Anyway, D is from a juvenile reform school for teenage boys. the reason he is at public school can be attributed to hard working and a good track record while he was at his juvenile school. D has a difficult attitude toward school that makes working with him a struggle. Often, D is distracted by the females in his class, or the tutors/student teachers and it will be a learning experience how to deal with a student who is violently, vocally stubborn.

T. T is the most precious student I ever met. she loves talking about her culture, friends and family in Ethiopia.  I got to see pictures of her family members and she talked a lot about her favorite food, injera.

proper injera has bubbles, like so.
She told me she wants to eat it every single second of every single day. Today we talked about Miss. Boss "e" and when you add 'e' to the end of some words, she takes over and changes the full pronunciation of the word.  T has become bilingual and fluent in English in one year. April 22nd marked her anniversary of being a cute little American girl.

These children are so precious and I cannot imagine working in any other classroom setting.  Kids in normal classrooms will learn in spite of you.  The children that are the hardest to teach are the ones who need you the most.

don't let schooling interfere with your education,
rach

song of the day

today's song: "somebody that i used to know" by goyte


Okay, yes, I know. You've probably heard this song played over and over on the radio, or have heard people quoting the lyrics on a daily basis...but honestly, who can blame them? The song's just that good.  Usually I get sick of every song ever played on Titan Radio at good ole Westminnie but this one is a winner for sure.  I promise.  Normally songs about break ups are pretty lame...but the lyrics couldn't be more true in this song.  It's more than perfect.  The song is extremely addicting, especially when there are SO many good covers of it/remixes.  I'll add my favorite cover at the end of this post.  Currently, I'm on my 5th listen of the day.  I've been addicted to this song since spring break. Literally can't get enough.  Goyte might end up being a one hit wonder, but this song will probably be marked down as my favorite hit of 2012.

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know


with love,
hill