funny the way it is. . .

This post goes by the title "funny the way it is. . ." for 2 reasons; reason number one is obvious...it's a dave song and Rach just experienced D-Day with the fab Rob (shout out to my main hoe's BF). Reason number two is because of the night I had last night. Life seemed funny...ironically funny, cynically funny, seriously funny, and stupidly funny.

Yesterday was a day like any other this summer...sleep in a little, wake up and make some food, lay out if it's nice and read a book, or do something productive like write and essay or clean my room.  My mom and I spent a good chunk of the day cooking food for my cousin Shawn's early 4th of July party, but this whole cooking thing has started to become a part of my daily routine. There's something so relaxing and meditative about it. But anyway, I go to this party with my mom.  My brother isn't there, and neither is my cousin Melissa, and they are usually my go-to hanger-outers (i like to make up words).  So I chill with my mom, my gma, and my aunt.  I have a few wine coolers. It's weird because this is the first time I've ever had a drink in front of the whole fam...normally it's just my ma. Then comes the annual volleyball tourney.  I usually just watch but I was feelin' it this time. I honestly think I should have played volleyball in HS instead of soccer...and even slightly tipsy I was still rocking the court (not to toot my own horn or anything but i was totally schooling my cousin and all his guy buddies).  This may seem like a normal thing to you, but to me, this family picnic was funny because A: I was drinking, B: I was playing volleyball and loving every second of it and C: everyone was acting like this was all normal behavior for me.  I think this day was a slap-in-the-face...but in a good way.  I think I finally reached that level of comfortability around my family that I can just be me and not care what they think. I mean, hey, they are my family after all so I'm probably like them a lot more than I ever realized.  As a youth (as in HS), I would have never dreamed of playing volleyball with the boys.  Normally I'd sit there with a book and make small talk with the adults.  This day showed me that I really am a different person.  Not necessarily different, I've just finally reached the point in my life where I am completely comfortable being me.

The second part of the night that was funny was hanging out with high school friends.  First of all, rach and kelc know how much I loved to talk about HS all last school year-but not in a good way.  There were so many things wrong with my high school that I actually kinda forgot about all the good times, and there were so many! Looking back, I honestly couldn't have asked for a better group of friends or a grade to spend my years growing up with.  I think I loved to put down high school because college really is a lot better for a lot of reasons.  But thinking about it now, there isn't a real reason I should bash my high school years. I took those years for granted. All the plays, musicals, foot ball games, homerooms and soccer practices seemed like nothing, but now I know they were a part of my past that helped me become the person I am today. Funny when looking back nothing is as bad as it seems/ed.  I've grown apart from my high school friends-this is a definite. But we grew apart in a way that's supposed to happen.  By growing apart, we were all able to become the person we are meant to be in our lives right now.  I was finally able to step out of the shadow I spent most of my past walking in, and I can finally be Hillary and not care what any of my girl or guy friends think.  This became evident when I went to a small gathering at my cousin's house and honestly, the entire time, I didn't once worry about what anyone else was thinking about me.  I can truthfully say this was NEVER the case in the past.  I used to spend every second of every day worrying about their opinions of me.  But I'm finally comfortable enough with myself that I can actually BE myself. It's weird. It's funny. It's refreshing. It's kinda lovely.  I realized that these people are still in my life for a reason.  I could have easily written them  off the second I stepped foot into Shaw dormitory, but I allowed them to remain a part of my present, not just a portion of my past.  We can finally sit around, talk and laugh without any drama.  There really wasn't ever any drama, but it's that 'feeling' of drama that always permeated the air at parties like this.  Everyone would be worried about "who liked who" or who did what last week at school, etc, etc. But instead, it was a completely chill night...reminiscing on the past, talking about our potential futures, sharing funny college stories, and all getting along and being true friends without any weird boundaries or thoughts about our words/actions.  Even though we don't see each other every day like we used to in the past, I almost feel closer to this group of people more than I ever have before-and it's because we can all be ourselves, get along, and not think anything of anything. I could be Hillary. Megan could be Megan. Josh could be Josh. Bryce could be Bryce. Zack could be Zack. Leslie could be Leslie. Rambo could be Rambo. Martin could be Martin. Joe could be Joe. And no one cares. No one cares or judges who you are anymore. We just exist. And smile. And laugh. And catch up. Because we've all realized that wasting our time judging each other or thinking too much about other people is pointless. Life is too short to be anything but happy. It's the cliche truth.

Hopefully this will give you inspiration to realize that your high school friends are always gonna be your friends for a reason.  There's just a common understanding that you all basically come from the same place. And you need to stick together, even if you aren't "close" (using both definitions) to each other anymore, sometimes you just need nights like this to remember that you'll always have each other.  They'll always be there to talk about dumb things that happened at a birthday party in MS or that championship football game.  They'll be there to understand you when you talk about the Amish family that lives next door, or all laugh at the way people who go to Westminster pronounce Volant (because they are totally wrong every single time). It's the little things that keep people together, even if you aren't as close as you were before. In retrospect, none of the drama from the past matters anymore.  None of the dumb arguments or disagreements from HS matter. We're all different (but relatively the same) people who can happily coexist.  It's funny the way things work out. It's funny that I thought I would feel weird spending time with this group of people, but ended up loving every minute of it. Life is funny.

i ramble too much,
<3 hill